Random Snapshots From A Moving Train

Spring Boot Camp

As I looked out my office window, I saw the neighborhood kids out in the cul-de-sac, whizzing by in their rollerblades, obviously  enjoying the clement Sunday (73 degrees Fahrenheit). We have opened most of our windows to let some fresh air in and bask in the gentle cool breeze wafting through. Earlier in the afternoon, Kenny took our doggies to the dog park for some canine socialization and exercise. They came home so tired and sedated that we are pretty much guaranteed a tranquil night of TV viewing. After attending a kid's birthday bash last night, it would be great just to kick back and watch the finale episode of John Adams tonight. This HBO series has truly educated me more about the American history than any other books or annals. I highly recommend it.

At the party, a friend of mine recounted an interesting anecdote about her father. He wasn't such a big fan of the winter season and he probably couldn't wait to go back home to the Philippines. After living in the US for almost a year, his wish was granted and the family went back to visit the home country recently. Apparently, upon their exit from the NAIA airport, he started complaining that the weather was stiflingly uncomfortable and he echoed the same sentiments for the first few days after their arrival. As much as he was truly happy to be back, I reckon he is more appreciative now of the seasonal changes in Chicago.

In a temperate region like some parts of the US, the seasons are marked by changes in the amount of sunlight which may cause animals to go into hibernation or to migrate, and plants to be dormant. Four seasons are generally recognized: spring, summer, autumn, winter. Needless to say, spring and autumn are my favorites. The winter blues are such a drag, as most people would agree. The summer days can be such scorchers at times that it can cause people to pass out or dehydrate.

In comparison, a tropical region like the Philippines has only the rainy (or wet, or monsoon) season versus the dry season, because the amount of precipitation may vary more dramatically than the average temperature. Back then, it never occurred to me to check on the daily weather forecast or temperature before heading out. Rain or shine, all I needed was my trusty umbrella.

Now that April is giving way to May, I'm starting to put away most of my winter gear but kept some items to tide me over some cooler and rainy days. Admittedly, I loath packing away my Uggs and I'm contemplating on keeping a couple of pairs of boots around, just in case. It might be facetious of me but I do have a bit of a fixation on this type of footwear. If I can afford it, I might already have a closetful that could rival Carrie Bradshaw's penchant for Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos.

What could have triggered this kind of a fetish? It must had been when I was a young girl and I laid eyes on an image in a magazine of a young woman wearing a pair of chestnut-colored western (cowboy/girl) boots. It looked so cute and hip and I remember wanting a pair so bad.

Those type of footwear were obviously hard to come by at that time, unless you count the white go-go boots that the school band "majorettes" wore during parades. I was so painfully inhibited and vulnerable about my rotund and blemished limbs that I would be the last person you'll see in public, wearing a short skirt while happily twirling a baton.

Therefore, it was not such a big surprise that I went totally gaga over my first pair of winter boots. I couldn't wait for the first drop of snow so I could put them on. I strutted around in them like a delusional runway model. It wasn't just me though. My roommates were as enthusiastic to break in their brand new heavy coats, knitted hats and scarves, gloves and boots. Of course, we had a lot of pictures taken seemingly enjoying the cold weather while holding up a handful of snow like it's the most precious thing we've ever seen. I'm guessing almost all winter neophytes have comparable images in their albums as well. I've certainly perused similar photos in some Friendster profiles. It's just one of those universal experiences we share as immigrants, I suppose.

A few weeks more and I really have to send my beloved boots to storage. I will probably mark that day by treating myself to a nice pedicure. God knows what my feet went through for the past few months. Thank goodness there are no photos of them in the Internet. That's the one image we need not share... ever.

Chicken Soup for the Blogger's Soul

I'm baaaccckkk!!! And it feels... pretty darn... super!

First of all, I would like to soothe those who might have had some concerns about my well-being due to my protracted hiatus from the blogging world. The emails and messages you have sent truly bestowed me the succor I needed to replenish my passion for writing again despite some impediments. I've had some health setbacks but nothing too ominous to be alarmed about, in retrospect. Most of my SLE symptoms are less flagrant ever since I started on a medication regimen but I must admit that my abrupt absence from Friendster and blogging was brought on by a forbidding episode a couple months ago. I believe it might have been precipitated by a particularly hard-hitting and stressful time at work and generally, just feeling the pressures of life and responsibilities. In a nutshell, I was skating on thin ice and it finally cracked under me.

I woke up one day and discovered that my entire body was seemingly ravaged with an inexplicably angry rash which of course made me itch so bad as if a colony of ants took up residence on my skin. It was indeed very uncomfortable but I was more petrified and feeling deeply despondent that things have become more dire than I anticipated. Whatever amount of bravado I had was overwhelmed once I allowed myself to mull over the likely dismal future of living with the condition. I'm not really the kind of person who will blithely profess to feeling "depressed" at a slightest emotional letdown but for a few weeks, I felt like I was just handed a death sentence. I was living in my own world of dread and panic in which words of reassurance fell on deaf ears.

Thankfully, as the rash cleared (I am now a big fan of Prednisone), the doldrums slithered away. The light at the end of the tunnel beckoned and I slowly uncoiled from the fetal position I was in. In time, I dared to rejoin the optimists welcoming me back on the other side.

Undoubtedly, unsettling occurrences and flare-ups are yet to come but hopefully, I'll be better primed and armed with my utopian arsenal of courage, faith, lofty goals and preponderant support from family and friends (including you, Friendster peeps). I've had a salubrious serving of chicken soup and this blogger's soul is on the mend. Again, thank you (you know who you are) for your unceasing encouragement and continued patronage. I hope you are all thriving and blessed in your lives as well.

The Bucket List

If I were to have a set of new year's resolutions, I will have to put "Stop procrastinating" on top of the list. I've been meaning to post a new blog entry weeks ago but it seems like I've been spending more time surfing the net for the latest juicy Hollywood news (rehab or jail stints, pregnancies, Britney Spears sightings or latest celebrity hook-ups/break-ups). It's admittedly one of my guilty pleasures and a pretty trivial endeavor perhaps but it sure took my mind off more disconcerting matters in my life. Anyway, let me just acknowledge and express my gratitude to everyone who left kind comments in my previous post and those who sent messages of support and best wishes. Although most of you are virtual strangers to me, I am deeply appreciative and undeniably comforted by your thoughtfulness and sincere concern for my well-being. I've slowly come to terms with my situation and I am determined not to let these three letters (SLE) get in the way in the business of living especially since I am blessed with another year to do with as I please.

Normally, I would have my top 10 things to do in 2008 but I'm trying to set more realistic objectives and could only come up with eight, so far. I just have to be more proactive in checking them off the list before the year's end. Here they are:

1. Read a book (any book for that matter). I am ashamed to admit that I have yet to open a page of "The Da Vinci Code" or "Memoirs of a Geisha". I sure need a firm kick in the butt to make sure this goal will not make a repeat appearance in 2009.

2. Take another trip to Europe again. It might be difficult to pull off due to our three dogs (any volunteers to watch them?) but I'd really like to visit Spain, London or Greece this year. I got bit by the travel bug and there's no getting over it anytime soon. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

3. Get together with some friends from Friendster . I know there have been some tentative nattering about it and I would like to be there when and if it actually happens. It would be interesting to finally see and hear the people behind the blogs, comments, messages and photos. So, who's up for it and who's on the planning committee? Count me in, peeps.

4. Finalize my mother's petition for the US immigrant status. We're just mostly waiting for the process to go through and I'm getting quite impatient. As much as I prefer to be independent, I can't deny hankering for my mother's presence whenever I don't feel well or if I just feel like talking to someone.

5. Stay on a healthy diet and workable exercise plan . I've shed a few pounds in the recent months and signing up with Lifetime Fitness proved to be a great investment. Despite our previous chronic failures at gym memberships, Kenny and I are surprisingly more inspired to stick with the program this time around. It definitely helps that we just love their sauna, hot tub and swimming pools. I'm also motivated to learn how to swim so I could work on getting a SCUBA certification eventually. I would certainly love going to the beach more if I don't have to wear those cumbersome floaties and vest like a 3 yr-old tot.

6. Go skydiving and/or ride a hot air balloon . The mere idea of doing these activities is quite an aberration to my timorous character but having conquered the zipline in Maui left me feeling a bit more adventurous and dauntless. Let's see if the anticipated adrenaline rush is enough to keep me bold and fearless.

7. Go on a  road trip to the Pacific Coast. Inspired by Elizabeth's blog, I would love to visit some of the amazing parks and sceneries in the US. Unfortunately, long distance driving is not Kenny's cup of tea but if I can round up some friends who might be keen to do it with me, I'll be happy to get behind the wheel. I would have to save up for a GPS device though. There's no sense in being stuck in the middle of nowhere, right?

8. Watch more concerts, stage and comedy shows. I've been checking out the Ticketmaster website and found out that the Foo Fighters will be performing in Chicago in February. I'd better drop some hints for Kenny for a Valentine's Day surprise for me.

I guess that's about it. How about you guys? I know some of you are not so big into making annual pledges but here's how I look at it. There are a lot of sick people out there somewhere who probably just received the dreaded "talk" from their doctors about their dire prognosis. As painfully depressing as it could possibly be, they might have to make an inventory of things they need to do to settle their affairs.

In light of my recent health scare, I'm just thankful that I'm not in the similar quandary but I feel it's never too premature to make a catalog of experiences and feats before one "kicks the bucket", so to speak. I guess I'm just making my own bucket list  a bit shorter every year by fulfilling some of them now and getting an earlier head start in the race against time. Sooner or later, we'll run out of it. After all, we're all dying from the start. Some just got pushed to the head of the line.

Black Tuesday

I know my posts are getting to be far in between lately although there were a lot of significant events (like our new puppy, Jordan) to write about. Due to some recent setbacks, I decided to take another respite from blogging just so I can sort things out in my head. It might not be of utmost interest to everyone but I came to a conclusion that it's best to write about it. If by some measure, people learn a little bit more about something, then it's worth the effort. I've often said that each of us are just a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things but now that I have come to appreciate my bit role in the Internet global community, I aspire to make a positive dent in someone's life if possible and whenever given the opportunity.

When I first wrote about my problem with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome , joint pains and my subsequent attempt to detoxify, I left out a lot more issues that were somewhat of clandestine nature. As candid as I try to be, some things are still better kept private. But after today's events, I felt like I owe it to my friends and faithful readers to disclose and get it over with.

After working the night shift, I dashed out of the hospital to meet up with Kenny for my doctor's appointment (Rheumatology) at another building. It was a freezing, wintry and windy day and I struggled to keep warm. My fingers and toes were icy cold, deathly pale and unbearably numb despite my gloves and Ugg boots. These days, it doesn't take much to make them look and feel that way. Even just washing my hands with a cooler temperature water will do the same trick. If you ever have the occasion to see a dead person's hands and feet, that's the closest I can describe my predicament (Raynaud's Phenomenon).

On the surface, I managed to keep a facade of composure. Inwardly, I was bombarded with a jumble of emotions threatening to overwhelm what little vestige of restraint I have left. It has been a drawn-out process but I finally have the chance to obtain answers, whatever they might be. After all these months of numerous hospital visits and tests, the speculations and uncertainties will hopefully come to a resolution.

It was probably one of the longest and most thorough consultation I've ever had with a physician and in the end, the verdict was handed out. I have Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE or lupus).

Brief background: Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys and brain. Normally the body's immune system makes proteins called antibodies, to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens. In an autoimmune disorder like lupus, the immune system cannot tell the difference between foreign substances and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against itself. These antibodies -- called "auto-antibodies" (auto means 'self') -- cause inflammation, pain and damage in various parts of the body.

My worst fear was confirmed and I have to finally deal with the fact that things are going to be different from now on. I know this was coming but I was in a state of denial for the past few weeks, hoping for a better outcome. I am not going to lie and put up a brave front. I am scared as hell. I am mad, despondent, panic-stricken and feeling like I had been hit by a runaway train. I desperately wanted to move away from its path but my whole body was bolted down, succumbing to the inevitable ruin.

Why me? I'm sure a lot of you got some words of wisdom, reassurance and sympathy. In time, I'll come to appreciate them and thank those who really care. At the moment, all I want to do is just to run off and lick my wound. What better place to do it but warm and sunny Maui? Yes, I'm headed off to Hawaii on Friday with some friends and I'll try to enjoy every bit of this short escape although I might spend more time hiding away from the sun (photosensitivity). Before long, the real world will loom bigger and I'll have to continue living in it for as long I can.

Right now, I have some packing to do and that is something I have control of. I will try to keep blogging during the trip. I just got a brand new camera and I'm not afraid to use it. So, catch ya later, folks! Take care of you and each other.

For more info on SLE or Lupus, here are some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systemic_lupus_erythematosus

http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/systemic_lupus/article.htm

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/lupus_systemic_lupus_erythematosus/article_em.htm

http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/systemic_lupus_erythematosus.jsp

http://www.visualdxhealth.com/adult/systemicLupusErythematosus.htm

Desperate Boo-Boo

I have long deleted the "Desperate Housewives" from our DVR to make room for the fresh shows this fall. In my opinion, the show has already jumped the shark last season anyway. Therefore, I didn't get to view their 3rd season's premiere episode last Sunday and was blissfully unaware of the huge ruckus it caused especially among the Filipino viewers. I first learned about it in a posting in the Friendster Bulletin, urging the public to boycott the show. A petition was also circulated demanding an apology. Of course, I got curious and searched Youtube for the video clip. Note: To view the video clips below, click on Pause on the Radio Blog to stop the music from playing at the same time.

Apparently, it was the brief scene (blink and you'll miss it) where actress Teri Hatcher's character uttered a blasé line which implied the ineptitude and lack of quality of the medical schools in the Philippines. This interpolation was obviously deemed an unequivocal affront to the Filipino medical communities and a racial slur to the Filipinos in general, triggering a diplomatic incident.

The gaffe outraged and provoked the ire of so many Filipinos and Filipino-Americans that it resulted to the ABC network issuing this apology: "The producers of Desperate Housewives and ABC Studios offer our sincere apologies for any offense caused by the brief reference in the season premiere. There was no intent to disparage the integrity of any aspect of the medical community in the Philippines. As leaders in broadcast diversity, we are committed to presenting sensitive and respectful images of all communities featured in our programmes."

From reading the comments in various websites, the throw-away line surely incited a gamut of feedbacks ranging from indifference and mild annoyance to being indignant and livid. Despite the request for forgiveness, a number of Filipino dignitaries and politicians are still demanding for more acts of contrition and rectification. Whether the TV network will be forthcoming or not, the damage has been done. The scope of the repercussions is arguably a subject for more discussions.

In any case, the episode has shed the spotlight on the Philippines once again. In case you've been living under a rock during the summer, the latest Pinoy-related media furor was about the Youtube hit video of the Filipino prisoners from Cebu dancing in sync to a Michael Jackson song. Positive or negative, such attention brings awareness to our country and culture. Just so you know my stance on this delicate matter, let me reiterate through an excerpt from a previous post.

"...It is disheartening that the Filipinos are not being as represented in the media and entertainment business like the other Asian cultures. It was indeed refreshing when one of the contestants from last season's Survivor: Cook Islands, Jenny, was a Filipino-American from Chicago. On the other hand, there was a scene in an episode ("Four Dreams") of Medium that showed a prostitute who spoke Filipino but was supposed to be in Indonesia. What gives? I was baffled and disappointed that the writers didn't even bother to be accurate about this. Perhaps they surmise that our language is obscure and unpopular enough that nobody would know the difference.

Who knows what other shows and movies are out there that are depicting the Filipino language and culture quite liberally and erroneously. At the movie "Jarhead", Jake Gyllenhaal's character mentioned "...studying of phillipino mail order bride catalogue" among one of the suggested techniques for the marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness (including masturbation, rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriend, cleaning rifle). Not exactly the best picture to project about Filipinas. Hearing that, I think I must have sunk in my seat in the movie theater, feeling very self-conscious. Maybe I was just being overly sensitive but it was not a great feeling indeed. "

This blunder might become old news soon but I'd still like to know your insights and opinions. I'd encourage you to be candid but also consider that some of us had been guilty of stating a few unfavorable commentaries on other nations and cultures. The only difference is that we don't have the nationwide coverage and global reach of television as a platform for our views. Instead, we have the internet at our disposal. Therefore, I urge you to utilize it wisely and appropriately.

The Memory Reaper

After I posted my previous blog entry "Not-So-Accidental Tourist", I made a rare trip down to our lower ground floor to dig up some of the trinkets I've saved from my earlier journeys. After deftly dodging boxes and luggages from falling on me, I felt triumphant upon finding the plastic container where I stored my souvenir thimbles. As I inspected each one of them, a few memories from those jaunts came to mind and they just made me smile. Those were the days when all my friends and I wanted to do was to explore and get away from the bleak work situation we found ourselves in.

As I glanced around the chaotic basement, I can't help but notice and ruminate at how much "junk" I have accumulated over the years. When I left the Philippines in 1994, I only brought one suitcase with me but when I relocated to another apartment a year later, it took a couple of trips and a hired help to transfer all my belongings. Ever since then, I seem to have amassed more, courtesy of the many needless shopping sprees and bargain hunts. Everytime I moved, it took a lot more time and sweat. Fortunately, I sent some of the "surplus" to my family via balikbayan boxes or there would have been more to lug around.

One thing that also helped was practicing the yearly spring cleaning which prompted me to eliminate objects that were not essential or functional anymore. Living in a two-bedroom apartment, I realized how scarce storage spaces can be. To keep my domicile in order, I adhered to the rule of divesting myself of items that had not been used in the past two or three years. It was quite testing when it came to clothes though. I had a tendency to retain them longer than I should even if they didn't fit me anymore in the off chance that the latest fad diet will work and I can wear them again. The garments eventually found their way into the balikbayan box when they were deemed so out-of-season (to my sisters' benefit and delight, of course). It also became the perfect excuse for further retail therapy, I'd say.

It's amazing how some people can cling on to their material possessions so vigorously. I do understand keeping those articles when there are memories and strong emotions affixed to them. Although I have stopped collecting thimbles, I still keep them around since they are aide-mémoires of those fun-filled excursions with my friends. Nevertheless, I've been to a few houses that are overwhelmingly cluttered with a multitude of knick-knacks that one may think the inhabitants might be pack rats, a slang term that refer to people who collect miscellaneous items and has trouble getting rid of them (a compulsive hoarder). If you've seen the TV show "Clean House", you'd be appalled at how people are so desperately drowning in disarray. I can't envisage living in such anarchy but I know first hand how it can escalate to that level if no one will put the kibosh on it.

When I visited my family for the first time after four years of being away, I had a bit of a shock when I perused through all the assorted array of dusty Nescafe glasses, tattered school books, outdated newspapers/magazines, cob-webbed crib/bassinet and other baby paraphernalia that populated every nook and cranny of my parents' abode. I don't believe my folks to be serial hoarders but their house was obviously besieged with things from the past and was just begging to be purged.

The whole scene perturbed me so much that on the last day of my vacation, I launched an impromptu general house cleaning with my father as an accomplice. It resulted to a huge bonfire at the back yard. My mother and grandmother were clearly mortified and tried to dissuade me from pitching everything out due to a variety of sentimental reasons. I tried to keep my resolve but compromised on a few instances when I gleaned my mother being distraught and teary-eyed. I realized I was being very hard-nosed about it. I admittedly shoved a huge plate of tough love down their throats but they were ultimately pleased and relieved with the outcome. As a result, the house was freed up with more room for things of value and consequence. I guess I gave them a crash course on spring cleaning but they sure learned it well. So far, I have not done any clean-up of that magnitude ever again during my subsequent visits.

During our life time, we gather a lot of memorabilia along the way. A few of these multifarious objects have earned a proud place on the mantel and curio cabinets while some are too precious or private and are better kept hidden or under lock and key. A number of them are pretty mundane and have become part of our daily lives. Some of our keepsake magnets are prominently displayed on the fridge but are also useful in keeping reminders (appointment cards, work schedule, invitations) in place. Kenny regularly utilizes the coffee mugs that he bought during our travels. As for me, I like to wear such tokens just like a couple of my favorite sweatshirts. One was from Disneyworld where Kenny and I got engaged and the other was from Grand Cayman where we spent our honeymoon. Yep, I'm pretty schmaltzy that way.

Anyway, how about you? What mementos have you treasured and kept? What do you usually collect? Feel free to share them and if you have a blog post about it, leave the link in the comment section as well. I'd be happy to check it out.

The Exit Door

Work yesterday was a bit trying as I juggled to admit a patient to the unit while dealing with a dying patient, Mr. Brown*, two doors down the hallway. What was even more difficult was that his family (wife and 2 daughters) kept vigil at the bedside and highly required a lot of emotional and spiritual support. When the patient finally took his last breath, the feeling of relief washed over the family. According to one of the daughters, "I'm sad that he's gone but I'm happy that his suffering is over". While getting the paperwork together, I realized that Mr.Brown* shared the same birthday as my father. A shiver ran through my spine as I pondered that I will also be remembering him every time my father's birthday comes around. As I shared this thought to his daughter, she looked overwhelmed and gave me a hug, stating,"Thank you so much. You made it easier for us." As I drove home, I thought about the countless patients (and their families) who came under my care especially those who were terminally ill. I guess I remember them most since I now share the kind of grief they feel as they witness a loved one's life fade before their eyes.

All of us will meet our end one day . Some sooner than others. It's not exactly an uplifting thought to dwell upon but at one point or the other, we are  confronted by our own mortality. Sometimes a very melodramatic scene in a movie of a dying or dead character can bring forth this utter feeling of sadness... and maybe fear. In my particular line of work, I can't help but ask myself some very curious and to some, "morbid" questions.

First, let's look up the definition of the word . Death is defined as end of being alive: the ending of all vital functions or processes in an organism or cell. Hmmm... A very matter of fact definition but the word in itself evokes a whole gamut of emotions to a lot of people. Some have their individual reasons and experiences to feel a certain way but for some, it's a virgin territory that no one wants to venture into.

How and when death will come knocking on our door might be something some people would like to know just so that they can cheat the grim reaper, much like in sci-fi time travel stories. To those who unwillingly gained that knowledge may use the information in their own varied or precise ways. For the terminally ill patients who were given the "talk" by their doctors about their poor prognosis and "time left", it could seem like a death sentence hanging over their head, pervading all waking and unconscious thoughts, paving a path to depression. For some, these facts might become opportunities for them to straighten out their unfinished business ( Last Will and Testament, reconciliations, vacations) and prepare themselves for that event. Quite a daunting task but once accomplished could make the experience an entirely significant and peaceful transition.

I've seen this countless times, only the names and faces are different. Death can bring out the best and the worst in people. It can unite or tear a family apart . It can rouse up the green-eyed monster or expose a bleeding heart. It can inspire loyalty or may cause abandonment.

One patient (Mr. Adams*) in the past shared to me his feelings of regret that he will never get to see his grandchildren and that they will never get to know him, the cool "biker" grandpa .This lament particularly tugged at my heartstrings since it always makes me sad that my father didn't live long enough to see my offsprings (none so far) . So, after listening to Mr. Adams, I made a suggestion that perhaps he can ask his kids to help him create a scrapbook  about his life so that one day, his grandchildren might be able to browse it and have a sense of what sort of a person he was. Another idea that was tossed around is a DVD/video documenting his living out his last days with his family and friends. He was expressly appreciative of the suggestions and resolved on making them a reality once he gets home. I was glad to see that spark of interest and enthusiasm in his eyes. I'm sure there'll be crummy days ahead of him but hopefully, he will stay on course and finish this one mission. 

If all of us will have the chance to a graceful exit, maybe we wouldn't be so hesitant to go through that last door.

* not their real names

Toxic!

This blog entry is long overdue but I hesitated to post it earlier since I wanted to wait for the right time to do it. I didn't create this blog just to rant and rave about how terrific or terrible my life is. I also aspire to share as much information and insight based on my experiences. Therefore, it is my hope that the readers will be interested, educated and motivated after reading this.

As what I've posted before, I was having some trouble with my right hand due to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It turned out to be not my only health concern. On top of multiple muscle aches and joint pains, I suffered an intolerable intermittent headache for more than 2 weeks. The list of health issues or symptoms seemed to be getting longer and I found myself feeling a lot older than I should be. It was like living inside a bottle that I can't get out of. In order to function at home and at work, I depended heavily on various OTC pain medications for relief. Furthermore, although I've adopted a rather lackadaisical attitude towards my continuous weight gain, I can't deny that it has begun to affect (indigestion, shortness of breath, easy fatigability and sluggishness) my overall health. After weeks of procrastination and whining, I finally decided to see my doctor . The subsequent blood tests showed that I have elevated levels of cholesterol, ESR and ANA. My doctor then advised me to modify my diet and to seek a Rheumatology consultation. Whoa! Me, with arthritis?

Pre-detox, two weeks ago.

I should have been content and follow the doctor's orders, right? Yes, I will do as I'm told but I decided to take it up a notch and take control, be more proactive about regaining my well-being. A week ago, I embarked on a 21-days detox regimen to cleanse my body of toxins and lose weight as well. No, folks. I'm not shilling for any company or products but for those who are interested in the details, just send me a message and I'd be happy to provide more information. So far, I've lost about 10 lbs in just a week and I'm feeling so much better. My aches and pains are gone and I have so much energy to spare. I'm aiming to lose 10-15 more in the next 2 weeks and I plan to keep those pounds from creeping up again by being more aware of what I put in my body and getting rid of what's not good. They say that "you are what you eat" but it's also true that "you are what you don't excrete".

So, why am doing this? I think most of us expats can attest that after having lived here in the US (or anywhere else) for sometime and you go back to the Philippines to visit, your friends and family are apt to make observations about your apparent "chubbiness". Comments like "Tumaba ka" or "Nanambok lagi ka", although done in a teasing manner, can undeniably rankle on your nerves since you've just spent the last few weeks prior to the trip dieting and exercising but it wasn't enough anyway. Then, you gain a lot more from indulging in all the food and delicacies that you missed and haven't tasted for what seemed like forever. At the end of the trip, I can hardly zip up my jeans. Ugghhh!

Realistically, we can't expect to stay the same size we were when we first left the Philippines but living a different lifestyle in a different culture has definitely and unfavorably changed us physically and it's taking a toll on our health. How so? Let's start with our eating habits and food choices. All of a sudden, there's the abundance of foods that used to be unaffordable or inaccessible back then. The bad news is that we find ourselves ingesting more processed and chemically altered foods than ever before. For instance, going out for a pizza might have been a rare thing to do in the past. Nowadays, you only have to open your freezer and have a slice (or more) of cheesy pizza in a few minutes. In fact, almost everything you eat might be frozen or packaged . There's also a variety of soda and flavored drinks on hand to wash the food down. Your pantry might be looking like a mini "sari-sari" store containing canned goods, bags of chips, baked goods, packages of noodles and pastas, condiments, etc. If you check the contents on the labels of these stuff, it's like reading a chemistry project and you'd be amazed at how much calories and salt you're getting from such a small amount of food . When you go out for a meal, the servings are so huge that you can easily feed a family of 3 to 5. By the time you're done with your soup, salad and appetizer, there won't be enough room for the entree although a dessert might be hard to resist. Sooner or later, eating larger portions become the norm and expectation. This is indeed a country who loves to supersize.

The other factor is our lifestyle. Although we work hard in our respective professions or jobs, most of us are living in a sedentary pace. We don't have to walk anymore to the nearest bus or jeepney stop as we most likely have our own mode of transportation which is a necessity if public transit is not available. The most walking we'll probably have would be at the mall as we indulge in retail therapy, a favorite pastime among Americans. Another issue is the higher stress level that we are subjecting ourselves to. In keeping up with a fast paced world, we are exhausted all the time and we barely give our bodies enough time to rest and recuperate from the ravages of the day's gruelling schedule. Sooner or later, something's going to give.

Some of you might be already living and following a very active and healthy lifestyle. Kudos to you. But for some of us who are struggling to stay fit in this new environment, we have to increase our awareness of the ways to prevent ill-health and to fight the battle of the bulge . As we know, obesity is a prevalent problem in the US. By the time a person turns 50, he or she might already have a long list of diagnoses and surgical procedures in their medical record . I don't want to be a part of that statistic so I'm doing what I can to keep that from happening and you should too. We work so hard to get to where we're at and it would be a darn shame to lose everything because we are not treating our body with more care and respect. As what my sage grandma used to say, "Health is wealth" and she lived beyond her 80s. I can only hope to survive and enjoy my golden years like her.

A Faire Match

Last Saturday, Kenny and I went with friends to the opening weekend of the Bristol Renaissance Faire. The Filipino posse was joined by Kenny's friend Jonathan and his wife Yili with their toddler daughter Vicky. A former male colleague of Yili also came along and was introduced to everybody in the group. Despite the sweltering heat of the afternoon, we enjoyed the fantasy world of noble knights, merry maids and turkey legs. The faire streets were lined with game and ride areas, food vendors, and merchants selling everything from sterling silver jewelry to rare-edition books. Strolling minstrels, jesters and other era characters mingled with faire-goers, many of whom came dressed in their own period costumes. Since the Bristol was celebrating their Feaste of Fooles, bells and ribbons festooned the shire. A collection of fooles, jesters, harlequins and other mad ruffians ran amok through the streets. It was just fun, fun, fun! 

 

While roaming around the faire, Kenny informed me that Yili's friend is single and has hinted that he'd like to be "hooked up" with one of my available friends. Hmmm, interesting... I will have to tell you that Kenny has a pretty good track record when it comes to playing matchmaker. In fact, he got Jonathan and Yili together and was also instrumental in the coupling of our friends Tom and Mariah (now engaged). Yep, my guy is a regular cupid or likes to play one anyway. I guess he got himself a new project. My girlfriends will have to watch out for those arrows .

Who amongst you have dabbled in matchmaking or have tried (successfully or not) to hook people up? I'm sure almost everyone have played cupid for their friends at some point back in elementary or high school when young love or infatuation plagued our existence and added more to our angst-ridden teenage life. I vaguely remember love letters or flowers being stealthily passed by a go-between from a not-so-secret admirer to the object of his affection . As can be expected, some teasing by friends and classmates would ensue with the young lady typically playing it coy or pretending not to be interested (pakipot). If the young lad is persistent enough, his pursuit might be fruitful. If not, he's going to have to bear and nurse the pains of an unrequited love until someone else catches his fancy. Then, the courtship dance starts all over again.

Now that we are adults, finding a special someone has gotten a lot more complicated and tougher . When it comes to finding a partner , there may be a lot of fish in the sea but what if you don't have time to swim with every school, or you live in overfished waters ? Or maybe you just have a hard time with the whole bait-and-tackle thing. In any case, catching the right one can be tough.

For someone like me who was a transplant to a different country, meeting my perfect match was like finding a needle in a haystack. Aside from the fact that my small social network of Filipinos were predominantly females, the small percentage of males were not available (married, in a serious relationship with a GF back in the Philippines, or gay). So, what to do when good old matchmaking efforts by friends are not feasible?

Enter the high-end and high-tech matchmaking with a modern twist: databases, ad campaigns and a culture of singles who don't have built-in social networks. Although online dating has a bad rap at times, it has certainly come a long way from being thought of as hokey or an act of desperation. I'm sure a lot of happy couples (ourselves included) all over the world can bear testimony to how the Internet brought them together despite the odds. We have truly become a global village and the online personals and dating sites have become the new matchmakers of the century. Of course, there are pitfalls in looking for love on the Internet so think safety first. If you are still quite undecided to get your feet wet in the online dating pool, here's a list I found of things you could do to get out of the dating rut:

1. Volunteer at a local hospital or soup kitchen
2. Sip on Lattes at Starbucks
3. Wander the aisles at Barnes & Noble
4. Join a club or organization
5. Take up a hobby you've always wanted to try (i.e., pottery, bowling, photography)
6. Sign up for an adult education class or one-day workshop
7. Roam the shopping mall
8. Visit your local laundromat
9. Browse the aisles of your local health food store or grocery store
10. Take in the art at a museum
11. Roam around the zoo
12. Enjoy an outdoor concert
13. Join an online chat room
14. Keep fit at a health club or sporting facility
15. Attend a conference, convention, or lecture on a cultural topic

And, if you have a pet or been pondering getting one, you might want to read this article as well.  Who knows, you might be able to "keep yourself out of the dating dog   house".

Talk To The Hand

I realized it has been a really long time since I posted a blog entry. Aside from plain laziness and being preoccupied with summertime activities, I've been pretty much physically hindered from doing anything that needs the use of my right hand or arm. How so? Well, I've been trying to ignore the tingling or numbness I've had for months in my hand and wrist. It's usually accompanied by sudden, sharp, piercing pain that shoots through the wrist and up my arm. Just a passing cramp? I wish. You've probably guessed that I more likely have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CTS), a painful progressive condition caused by compression of a key nerve in the wrist.

Since I have the predisposition to make my blog entries a bit long, I decided to take a self-imposed sabbatical from the blog world although I never cease to blog hop and check updates on my friends in Friendster. I just have to limit myself as I don't want to cause anymore discomfort to my affected extremity. You better believe that it takes a lot of self-restraint to keep myself from surfing the net and Kenny has taken it upon himself to spy on me and chastise me whenever I'm spending too much time on the cyberspace. Can't blame him though since he has to put up with my whining and crying when my fingers start tingling and feeling numb. The pain can be such that I've been taking so much Ibuprofen and Aleve over the past few weeks. I've also been sleeping and working with a wrist brace/splint on which can be very inconvenient and cumbersome. Anyway, I'm going to set up an appointment with my doctor to see if there's anything else that can be done aside from popping pain pills and immobilizing my arm. I just couldn't imagine living my life feeling handicapped and incapacitated.

Anyway, enough about my bellyaching. I'm sure you guys are also enjoying the summer festivities. For us, we received a few invites to various events for the last month so we seldom had a weekend to just kick back or to take care of some house chores that were long overdue. The month of July will be hectic as well. We're not really complaining at all. It's just nice to get together with friends and family and to enjoy the warm and balmy weather. It won't be long before fall and winter will be at our doorsteps once again ;-)

Naissance

I am humbled and moved by the influx of birthday greetings that I received today from my Friendster friends and readers. I want you to know that I am deeply appreciative of your thoughtfulness and for taking a few minutes out of your busy lives to send me your best wishes. In fact, I've never received these many greetings ever in my entire life! What's more amazing is that they mostly came from people I have not personally met or talked to before. I've gotten to know some of you from your blogs, comments and messages but I wish I'll have the opportunity to meet all of you someday. Not too impossible of a notion anymore. After all, we're becoming more of a global community linked by the Internet superhighway... and Friendster, of course. ;-)

I worked my shift last night and my coworkers surprised me with a little powwow ( they brought pizza, salad, sandwiches, cake, etc). I was touched by this unexpectedly sweet gesture as well. When Kenny came home from work, he got me a beautiful bouquet of red roses and took me out to dinner. The rest of the day had been pretty low key but every time I opened my email and read more messages, it became more significant and exciting. You guys truly made me feel special today and made my 37th birthday exceptionally fun ;-)

Anyway, here's just a little proof of my birth. I'm not just a pigment of my imagination or a product of my delusion ;-) My mother could certainly vouch for that as she nearly lost her life during my nativity (breech delivery). It hasn't been a bump-free ride since but I'd like to think that I was worth it. I sure hope so.

A Killer's Anatomy

On April 16, 2007, the Virginia Tech gunman, Seung-Hui Cho, started his day of mayhem at 7 a.m. Police said he unleashed 170 rounds on the classrooms of Norris Hall during his rampage which ended when Cho put a bullet through his head and died, surrounded by his victims and leaving a total of 32 deaths that shocked the nation. Ten days into their investigation, authorities cannot explain exactly what prompted Seung-Hui Cho to shoot 32 members of the Virginia Tech community before turning the gun on himself. This event has been compared to the Columbine High School massacre, the third-deadliest school shooting in United States history.

The horrendous event elicited a variety of responses, from local to national, as well as international level. When the identity and citizenship of the perpetrator was revealed, I can't help but be relieved that he wasn't a Filipino. Understandably, the South Koreans expressed shock and a sense of public shame. There were also concerns of reprisal attacks and that the shooting might stir up racial prejudice or confrontation. I can't blame them for feeling and thinking that way. I sure felt that kind of worry ten years ago when a Filipino-American surfaced in the media and gained notoriety due to his killing spree in the US.

It's exactly 10 years ago today when Andrew Phillip Cunanan murdered his first victim and took the lives of 4 more people including Gianni Versace. He also became the 449th fugitive to be listed by the FBI on the FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives list. At the time of the crimes, there was much public and press speculation that Cunanan's motives were tied to a diagnosis of HIV infection; however, an autopsy found him to be HIV-negative. After Cunanan's suicide, it is impossible to identify motives with certainty. Much like Cho despite his multimedia manifesto.

At the height of his murderous pursuit, I cringed every time Cunanan's Filipino descent was mentioned in the media and I avoided discussing him in mixed company. I know my friends felt the same way too. We felt unduly sensitive to comments made about him and his background. We just didn't want to be identified with him at all. I'm sure the same is true with the South Koreans and Cho's relatives.

This post is not meant to glorify these men's violent acts nor to condemn them to eternal damnation. I don't really know what lurked in the dark recesses of their minds and hearts. I guess I just want to point out the reality that most expats like me do have a tendency to quickly claim association with other successful and widely renowned Filipinos even if we are in no way directly related to them. We can look at it as having a strong sense of national pride. But, if the situation is on the negative end of the spectrum, we will be as quick in denouncing and distancing ourselves from those of the bad seed variety. I don't think it's being hypocritical or characteristic of a fair-weather friend. It's just but a natural reaction to socially acceptable or unacceptable circumstances, I suppose.

Sunday's Best

I realize it's been a while since my last post. I suppose I've been preoccupied with a lot of things and my focus had been split into different directions. Also, as the weather gets warmer and nicer, I find myself spending less time on the internet except when checking out my friends' blogs and updates. Yup! It's time to come out of hibernation and put on those flip-flops or Havaianas (pronounced ah-vai-YAH-nas), shorts, capris and summer dresses. Although it can still get cooler and the temperature usually takes a dip at night, I can already tell the big difference in my mood. Somehow, optimism comes easier and my reservoir of patience and tolerance is being replenished as the mercury rises.

There's definitely an attitude makeover in progress. Even the fact that a few more pounds had crept up on my already "pear-shaped" physique, I don't mind it as much as I used to. Perhaps working in an environment where people gets a rude awakening on a regular basis helps anchor my perspective on the harsh realities of life. A few nights ago, I came upon a forty-something female patient who was sobbing on her bed. When I asked her what's wrong, she tearfully replied,"The food just goes through me. Nothing is being absorbed. How can I put on any weight at all?" In case you don't understand what she meant, she was referring to the chronic diarrhea that she's suffering from for almost two years now. Her shrinking body can testify to what she's been going through. She was very frail and cachectic looking and could be easily mistaken for a gangly twelve year-old girl with her very tiny frame. I was at a loss for words. I muttered a few words of sympathy and comfort and left the room minutes later feeling humbled and grateful that my body is still capable of nourishing itself and I get to go home and enjoy doing the things I can do. There's just so much to be grateful for indeed. Let me count the blessings.

A tested formula: a happy Rosemarie = a happy Kenny . When he found out that it's going to be in the 80s last Sunday, he proposed to take a drive to downtown Chicago and take the dogs, Sidney and Lara, for a stroll down Lake Shore Drive. I happily agreed and was so psyched for it that I didn't even mind having only 2 hours of sleep before heading out. There was a spring in my step that I just couldn't mask and I couldn't help laughing at every cute little thing that my doggies did. They were as excited as their Mama Monkey (that's me  and Papa Monkey (guess who?). We trekked from the Adler Planetarium all the way to the Navy Pier which probably spanned more than 3 miles. Our feet (and paws) were feeling the burn but we prodded on, taking the time to appreciate the beautiful scenery and the relaxed vibe from the people around us. Our downtown excursion was an easy reminder that the simple pleasures in life don't have to come from expensive objects or grand events. It's just out there, mostly for free ( except for the parking fee, I guess) and more satisfying than anything. We had such an awesome time that Kenny offered to do it again on Saturday and his Mom will probably come with us as well. I am so looking forward to it already.

I hope I didn't bore you guys . I just feel like sharing since I know most of you are also having great times together with your friends, families and loved ones. In light of the tragedy that recently struck Virginia Tech, a little love fest and some feel-good moments couldn't hurt, right? Anyhoo, let me end this rambling with this quotation:

"Determine now to not make your life's end a moment filled with regrets. Or at least make sure they are the right regrets. Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."

Paint away, folks!

Vote For Pedro

The last time I spoke with my mother, she relayed to me that my Aunt Agnes will be running for office again. She is currently a City Councilor and has seriously considered to join the race for the Vice Mayor position for the upcoming election in May if no one from her party stepped up. Fortunately, she didn't have to so I breathed a sigh of relief. My mother voiced her concern that the candidate from the opposition is quite formidable and have a murky reputation of intimidating and eliminating other candidates through allegedly unsavory tactics. As much as I have conviction in my aunt on her leadership aptitude and bona fide political passion, I wouldn't want her life endangered. In light of the pervasive corruption in the country, I remember a popular saying pertaining to the Filipino's campaigning style. It is said that if you want to win, you must have the 3 Gs: Gold, Guns, and Goons. Now, I'm not saying that I condone or espouse this kind of thinking. Sadly, this is the monstrous reality that rears its ugly head come election time.

I didn't have a lot of opportunities to vote back then but I'm quite familiar with the campaign trail shenanigans since some members of my clan (including my father) had some political affinity coursing in their blood. My grandfather was a City Mayor ages ago and consequently, a few relatives vied for various positions throughout the years, sort of carrying on the family tradition. A handful were successful but most of them gave up any endeavors altogether upon recognizing that they just don't have the substantial means (mainly financially) to change the "rules" and bargain on an impartial and scrupulous outcome.

Just when I thought that the family have finally put aside any political ambitions to rest, my aunt decided to throw her hat in the ring . If you know her personally, you can just appreciate the amount of moxie and intestinal fortitude this woman have. With no political experience under her belt to speak of, one might say that she naively stepped into the political arena like a lamb at the mercy of power hungry lions. Granted she has the financial resources to support the campaign costs, it is her herculean ability to see the big picture and the stalwart belief that she can make a difference that got her through the rigorous and sometimes treacherous campaign process. She obviously had her unavoidable share of muckraking and mudslinging but it didn't deter her from staying on course and gaining the respect of her constituents. I was indeed proud and pleased when she got elected and served her term with remarkable aplomb and accomplishment. Therefore, I absolutely support her bid for another term to serve the public who put their trust on her. Heaven knows we need more people like her in the Philippines.

As America is also in the midst of gearing up for the next presidential election, I can't help but notice and compare the compatibilities and disparities of their campaign practices to that in the Philippines. I don't pretend to fully understand the mechanism or machinery so I can only base my opinions on what I observe in the media and on conversations with other Americans. I will not go into details here but what they definitely have in common are the omnipresent controversies and smear propaganda which can get ugly and personal. It's like a piranha feeding season just like the last time. When we were in Italy last year, we saw and heard the same scenario as well. I guess it's a universal thing. Different people with different languages but with similar actions and motivations.

Whatever the upshot is for every election, I just hope that it will bring the citizens and voters what they hope to achieve from exercising their suffrage and egalitarianism. Let me close this soliloquy of mine by quoting Napoleon Dynamite's friend Pedro,"Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true."

Wedding Forecast: Bridal Showers and Registries

As I've posted before, there's another wedding  coming up in Kenny's family and it is fast approaching as evidenced by the invitation I received for a bridal (or rather, couple) shower last Friday night. With only barely three hours of sleep, I head over to the banquet hall where the groom's mother hosted the affair. As expected, the attendees (more or less 50) were predominantly women but the groom and the bride's father were also in attendance. I was relieved to find that my mother-in-law reserved a seat for me next to her and my sister-in-law. After extending a round of greetings and hugs to the rest of the family, I settled down to enjoy the nice dinner deftly served by the staff.

After the desserts finally disappeared from the table, Sarah and T.K. started opening numerous boxes and gift bags from the long table across the room."Ohhhs" and "ahhhs" occasionally emanated from the crowd. Most of the presents were houseware and kitchenware items and some miscellaneous home decorative accessories. Some also included stuff that the couple might find useful for their honeymoon in Las Vegas (casino chips, sunscreen, etc). There were also envelopes that contained either gift cards or checks. Sarah and T.K. made a point of acknowledging and thanking the givers and were obviously overwhelmed by their generosity. Overall, it was a very successful event. The young couple will certainly find themselves running out of space in their townhome due to the multitude of gifts they have received so far. I found out the the bride's family will also be hosting another shower soon. Lucky kids, huh?

I felt the same way when Kenny and I had our own pre-wedding festivities a few years ago. In fact, we had a total of three bridal showers. Aside from the first one hosted by Kenny's family and the second one that was separately given by my close friends, my coworkers at the hospital surprised me with a breakfast party where they presented me with a huge basket full of miscellaneous items that they chose from our registry. Ah, the bridal registry! What a boon it is.

When I first came to the US, I didn't know much about bridal showers or wedding registries. Although Filipinos have adopted a lot of Western customs (Halloween, Easter bunny and eggs) nowadays, I doubt if giving a bride a gift giving party before her wedding is one of them (as far as I know). At the weddings I'd been to before in the Philippines, I remember that newlyweds mostly received houseware gifts on their wedding day. It's a great thing except that the couple might end up receiving multiple sets of drinking glasses, plates, utensils and an inordinate number of thermoses, pots and pans. Since most items can't be returned or exchanged at the stores, that could pose a bit of a problem. This is where a wedding or bridal registry would have been of assistance.

There are many benefits for a couple creating a wedding registry. First, most wedding guests appreciate having a list of what the couple needs. No one wants to be the one to buy the couple their fifth toaster . With electronic wedding gift registries, when a guest buys something for the couple, it is automatically removed from the list. Registering for wedding gifts also gives the new couple the ability to keep track of the items they have for their new life as a married couple. This eliminates the problem of having too many of one thing, and none of another after all of the gifts are opened. Having a wedding registry also saves the couple from the embarrassment of answering questions about their needs. When a well-meaning friend or family member inquires as to what a couple wants as wedding gifts, many brides-to-be feel uncomfortable answering truthfully. The blushing bride may wonder how much the guest wants to spend, and how to offer some gift suggestions without sounding selfish or greedy. Having a bridal registry to direct the inquire