Random Snapshots From A Moving Train

Black Tuesday

I know my posts are getting to be far in between lately although there were a lot of significant events (like our new puppy, Jordan) to write about. Due to some recent setbacks, I decided to take another respite from blogging just so I can sort things out in my head. It might not be of utmost interest to everyone but I came to a conclusion that it's best to write about it. If by some measure, people learn a little bit more about something, then it's worth the effort. I've often said that each of us are just a tiny speck in the grand scheme of things but now that I have come to appreciate my bit role in the Internet global community, I aspire to make a positive dent in someone's life if possible and whenever given the opportunity.

When I first wrote about my problem with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome , joint pains and my subsequent attempt to detoxify, I left out a lot more issues that were somewhat of clandestine nature. As candid as I try to be, some things are still better kept private. But after today's events, I felt like I owe it to my friends and faithful readers to disclose and get it over with.

After working the night shift, I dashed out of the hospital to meet up with Kenny for my doctor's appointment (Rheumatology) at another building. It was a freezing, wintry and windy day and I struggled to keep warm. My fingers and toes were icy cold, deathly pale and unbearably numb despite my gloves and Ugg boots. These days, it doesn't take much to make them look and feel that way. Even just washing my hands with a cooler temperature water will do the same trick. If you ever have the occasion to see a dead person's hands and feet, that's the closest I can describe my predicament (Raynaud's Phenomenon).

On the surface, I managed to keep a facade of composure. Inwardly, I was bombarded with a jumble of emotions threatening to overwhelm what little vestige of restraint I have left. It has been a drawn-out process but I finally have the chance to obtain answers, whatever they might be. After all these months of numerous hospital visits and tests, the speculations and uncertainties will hopefully come to a resolution.

It was probably one of the longest and most thorough consultation I've ever had with a physician and in the end, the verdict was handed out. I have Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE or lupus).

Brief background: Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys and brain. Normally the body's immune system makes proteins called antibodies, to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens. In an autoimmune disorder like lupus, the immune system cannot tell the difference between foreign substances and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against itself. These antibodies -- called "auto-antibodies" (auto means 'self') -- cause inflammation, pain and damage in various parts of the body.

My worst fear was confirmed and I have to finally deal with the fact that things are going to be different from now on. I know this was coming but I was in a state of denial for the past few weeks, hoping for a better outcome. I am not going to lie and put up a brave front. I am scared as hell. I am mad, despondent, panic-stricken and feeling like I had been hit by a runaway train. I desperately wanted to move away from its path but my whole body was bolted down, succumbing to the inevitable ruin.

Why me? I'm sure a lot of you got some words of wisdom, reassurance and sympathy. In time, I'll come to appreciate them and thank those who really care. At the moment, all I want to do is just to run off and lick my wound. What better place to do it but warm and sunny Maui? Yes, I'm headed off to Hawaii on Friday with some friends and I'll try to enjoy every bit of this short escape although I might spend more time hiding away from the sun (photosensitivity). Before long, the real world will loom bigger and I'll have to continue living in it for as long I can.

Right now, I have some packing to do and that is something I have control of. I will try to keep blogging during the trip. I just got a brand new camera and I'm not afraid to use it. So, catch ya later, folks! Take care of you and each other.

For more info on SLE or Lupus, here are some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systemic_lupus_erythematosus

http://www.lupus.org/newsite/index.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/systemic_lupus/article.htm

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/lupus_systemic_lupus_erythematosus/article_em.htm

http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/common/standard/transform.jsp?requestURI=/healthatoz/Atoz/ency/systemic_lupus_erythematosus.jsp

http://www.visualdxhealth.com/adult/systemicLupusErythematosus.htm

Fashion Nation

Halloween is now the United States' second most popular holiday (after Christmas) for decorating. The sale of candy and costumes are also extremely common during the holiday, which is marketed to children and adults alike. According to the retail stats, the highly popular Halloween costume themes for adults are, in order: witch, pirate, vampire, cat and clown. Each year, popular costumes are dictated by various current events and pop culture icons. Halloween is a major celebration, with the Friday and Saturday nearest October 31 hosting many costume parties.

Kenny and I took on hosting duties once again for the Halloween party this year. Although wearing costumes wasn't required, most of our friends and guests came in a variety of getups to celebrate the holiday. Unfortunately, my store-bought outfit's zipper went kaput on me so I hastily put together an ensemble that epitomize a favorite "Kill Bill" character, Gogo . Needless to say, we had a blast and will do it again next year and every Halloween season for that matter.

Talking about costumes, I've been thinking a lot about a particular one that most of us might not have seen or worn for a long, long time. I'm talking about the Philippine national costumes "Barong Tagalog" for men and the "Baro't Saya" for women. It must have been when I was in high school when I last wore a baro't saya for a folkdance. That was certainly ages ago.

The Barong Tagalog has maintained a contemporary presence in the Philippines and the more formal Terno is also largely seen on social events like weddings and political functions. The baro't saya is pretty much generally worn as a dance costume or during some national-themed events.  The only time I've seen the baro't saya here in the US was at a wedding I attended in LA where a Fil-Am dance group performed during the reception. That was quite a treat and I can't help but wish there are more Filipino cultural events like that here in Chicago.

The USA is indeed an amalgam of several cultures and nationalities. A major city like Chicago is filled with various heritages, backgrounds and religions from all over the world. It has everyone that for someone of ethnicity like me, it's easier to blend in and not stick out so much in a crowd. But then again, except for my distinctly Asian features, I don't appear atypical from any jeans-and-shirt-clad person down the street.

In the cul-de-sac where we live, we have neighbors who I assume to be originally from India. Although I'm used to seeing them in their traditional clothing while going about their daily lives, it still intrigues me to see the women in their colorful saris and the men in their breezy-looking kurtas. They just seem at ease wearing these garments that it made me curious about our own traditional dress and the possibility of wearing it on a regular basis. What do you think it would be like?

Here lies the challenge especially for Filipinas living in foreign countries. Picture yourself going about your usual diurnal activities but dressed in a time-honored baro't saya. Would it be awkward, unviable, or humiliating or would it feel effortless, user-friendly and impressive? Would it give you the sense of national pride or would you feel scrutinized and peculiar?

It might not be a significant concern among women who are raised in cultures where their customary and long-established mode of sartorial is still the mainstream. This is particularly true in some Asian and Middle-Eastern countries. In contrast, except for some minority groups, the Filipinos are predominantly garbed in the Western-influenced fashion and are pretty keen in following the latest trends in style. They are also quite partial to "imported" brand names of clothing and accessories (authentic or faux, who cares?). It won't be unusual to spot a young woman in a Tommy Hilfiger tee at a mall somewhere in the Philippines.

I truly find the idea of wearing the baro't saya even just for a day very thought-provoking and worth probing further. I've always been inquisitive about my neighbors' ability to adapt to their new environment yet still maintain a strong visual representation of their culture. That takes a lot of self-assurance, nationalism and religious conviction, I'd say.

Do I have the same cojones to pull it off? I'd like to test my mettle one of these days. Maybe someday, I'll get to post a photo or video of me sashaying down the aisles of a local Target store, sporting the simple baro't saya paired with my beloved Ugg boots. In the words of the infamous style icon, Paris Hilton, "That's hot!". Snap!

If one can look like a bee, a nun or a witch on Halloween, it shouldn't be that tricky to dress like a good old-fashioned Filipina and pay tribute to Maria Clara, the symbol of the virtues and nobility of the Filipina woman. So, is there anybody out there who'd be plucky and audacious enough to do it with me? We can unofficially call it the "Baro't Saya Day". Maybe I'm being daft and delusional but if this catches on and becomes a global movement, how cool is that?