Random Snapshots From A Moving Train

Princess Bride

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Mariah and I spent half a day browsing though racks and rows of gowns/dresses at a bridal salon. Although we started our search last year, it's been quite sometime since we last looked for dresses so we tackled the task at hand with as much gusto and ferocity as can be expected from two wedding-crazed females. Those who have done this before, it's no easy feat. These gowns can truly weigh a ton with all the heavy fabric and embellishments on them. Mariah tried one after the other like a crusader on a mission. After going through what seemed liked a mountain of tulle, satin, lace and beading, she narrowed the choices down to two. Each one is markedly different from the other and posed a really tough choice. Although Mariah might eventually choose neither one of them, we both thought it would be kinda fun to solicit people's (meaning you, Friendster readers) opinions about them. It would at least give us some sort of idea what to look for in case the search for the perfect dress is not over yet. But then again, she might just heed your advice and pick the one with the highest vote . So how about it, folks! Let's give the bride-to-be a little nudge towards the right direction, shall we?

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Rice Up!

After almost seven years of usage, we had to throw out our old rice cooker when we discovered a leaking hole at its bottom. Letting it go was a bit bittersweet since it was our first one and has some sentimental value. When Kenny and I started dating, he bought it upon the suggestion of his Taiwanese co-worker after he told him that I was a Filipina. I was quite surprised and impressed by his effort to accommodate my cultural background. He also learned how to cook rice by using the 2:1 ratio (2 cups water to 1 cup rice). Although I don't regularly eat rice, the appliance was also useful in steaming vegetables and crab legs (his fave). When Kenny went out looking for a new cooker last week, he picked one that is multifunctional . It can steam and has settings for white rice as well as brown rice. Although I like the good old-fashioned white rice, I plan on eating brown rice from now on. I recently learned that it's healthier and more nutritious and I also remember that I liked it a lot when my grandma used to serve it back then when I was a kid. I've always preferred its fragrant aroma and full texture. I can't wait till I get to cook brown rice in our new cooker.

It wasn't until I came to the US that I found out that there are so many varieties of rice in existence and that there are a lot of methods or recipes of preparing it aside from the typical steamed or fried rice. In some American restaurants, wild rice pilaf (a steamed rice dish often with meat, shellfish, or vegetables in a seasoned broth) is commonly served. Jambalaya (traditionally made in one pot, with meats and vegetables, and is completed by adding rice) has also become a favorite of mine as it bears resemblance to another favorite, paella. Rice, being the staple food in the Philippines, is also considered a comfort food. Whenever we're sick, my mother would make us porridge (lugaw) or arroz caldo. On cold and rainy days, we usually snacked on a warm bowl of champorado . A lot of the favorite delicacies in the Philippines, such as Biko and Espasol, are also made of sticky rice or sweet rice.  Whenever in the Philippines, I somehow find myself eating my food and rice with bare hands. It might appear primitive or indicative of bad table manners to the western culture but there's just something very comforting and natural about it.

It might seem like I'm making much ado about something as pedestrian as rice but I've known of a lot of people who would not venture into a restaurant that don't serve any rice at all. Some would even claim that they get sick or weak when deprived of rice for a long time. One may become "americanized" or "westernized" in so many ways but eating rice seems to be the one habit that a Filipino will never break, no matter where they are in the world.

The Exit Door

Work yesterday was a bit trying as I juggled to admit a patient to the unit while dealing with a dying patient, Mr. Brown*, two doors down the hallway. What was even more difficult was that his family (wife and 2 daughters) kept vigil at the bedside and highly required a lot of emotional and spiritual support. When the patient finally took his last breath, the feeling of relief washed over the family. According to one of the daughters, "I'm sad that he's gone but I'm happy that his suffering is over". While getting the paperwork together, I realized that Mr.Brown* shared the same birthday as my father. A shiver ran through my spine as I pondered that I will also be remembering him every time my father's birthday comes around. As I shared this thought to his daughter, she looked overwhelmed and gave me a hug, stating,"Thank you so much. You made it easier for us." As I drove home, I thought about the countless patients (and their families) who came under my care especially those who were terminally ill. I guess I remember them most since I now share the kind of grief they feel as they witness a loved one's life fade before their eyes.

All of us will meet our end one day . Some sooner than others. It's not exactly an uplifting thought to dwell upon but at one point or the other, we are  confronted by our own mortality. Sometimes a very melodramatic scene in a movie of a dying or dead character can bring forth this utter feeling of sadness... and maybe fear. In my particular line of work, I can't help but ask myself some very curious and to some, "morbid" questions.

First, let's look up the definition of the word . Death is defined as end of being alive: the ending of all vital functions or processes in an organism or cell. Hmmm... A very matter of fact definition but the word in itself evokes a whole gamut of emotions to a lot of people. Some have their individual reasons and experiences to feel a certain way but for some, it's a virgin territory that no one wants to venture into.

How and when death will come knocking on our door might be something some people would like to know just so that they can cheat the grim reaper, much like in sci-fi time travel stories. To those who unwillingly gained that knowledge may use the information in their own varied or precise ways. For the terminally ill patients who were given the "talk" by their doctors about their poor prognosis and "time left", it could seem like a death sentence hanging over their head, pervading all waking and unconscious thoughts, paving a path to depression. For some, these facts might become opportunities for them to straighten out their unfinished business ( Last Will and Testament, reconciliations, vacations) and prepare themselves for that event. Quite a daunting task but once accomplished could make the experience an entirely significant and peaceful transition.

I've seen this countless times, only the names and faces are different. Death can bring out the best and the worst in people. It can unite or tear a family apart . It can rouse up the green-eyed monster or expose a bleeding heart. It can inspire loyalty or may cause abandonment.

One patient (Mr. Adams*) in the past shared to me his feelings of regret that he will never get to see his grandchildren and that they will never get to know him, the cool "biker" grandpa .This lament particularly tugged at my heartstrings since it always makes me sad that my father didn't live long enough to see my offsprings (none so far) . So, after listening to Mr. Adams, I made a suggestion that perhaps he can ask his kids to help him create a scrapbook  about his life so that one day, his grandchildren might be able to browse it and have a sense of what sort of a person he was. Another idea that was tossed around is a DVD/video documenting his living out his last days with his family and friends. He was expressly appreciative of the suggestions and resolved on making them a reality once he gets home. I was glad to see that spark of interest and enthusiasm in his eyes. I'm sure there'll be crummy days ahead of him but hopefully, he will stay on course and finish this one mission. 

If all of us will have the chance to a graceful exit, maybe we wouldn't be so hesitant to go through that last door.

* not their real names

Notice Of Action

Over the past couple of years, I've noticed that a few of my friends were finally being reunited with their parent/s. I was told that the process of petitioning an alien relative have gotten quite speedy and I was encouraged to start petitioning my mother since I've been a US citizen for sometime. This plan has always been on the back of my mind but now that I have to make that decision, I had some moments of doubt. I wanted to see first how the newly-arrived parents are managing their new lifestyle. I was curious as to how they are integrating to their new status and adjusting to a different culture. Most of them were already enjoying their retirement and had their own network of friends back home. Is it really a wise and fair decision to take all that away from them? Is living in the US really worth it for them?

Maybe I'm way over thinking these things. I'm sure people assumed that I would be trying to get my parent to come to the US once I became a citizen. I reckon people have made comments to my mother like "You're lucky. Your daughter will take you to the US". I wish it's as easy as that. My Mama had to make a very important decision to uproot herself from everything she has ever known, including leaving her own elderly mother, at this point in her life. It was certainly different for me then since I was just starting out and very eager for a fresh beginning. My mother have already made a life for herself. She is surrounded by family and friends and although far from living in utmost abundance, she has properties she can speak of. Being here in the US means she will be financially dependent on us, with less family and not much of a social life. Furthermore, she won't be able to visit my father's grave whenever she wants. She really do have a lot to give up if she's going to make this move.

Mama with Lola Dayan & grandaughters

Don't get me wrong. She liked it here when she and my father visited five years ago. In fact, my parents were looking forward to migrate eventually. But now that my father's gone, I wasn't all too sure if my mother would be happy in a new place where she only have me and Kenny as immediate family. As much as I would love for her to be close by me, I left the choice up to her. After mulling things over, her ruling finally came down based on who's going to gain advantage from it. Like the good mother that she is, she's ultimately doing this for my youngest sister Sande . Once my mother becomes an immigrant, she'll be eligible to petition my sister since she's still under 21 years old. She just wants my sister to have the same opportunities I have. Also, my mother was motivated by the likelihood that my other sister Emily (and her family) will finally make it to the US soon since her application for a nursing job in New York is currently in the works. Things are definitely looking more to her liking and I'm glad and relieved about that. I wouldn't want her to be left in the Philippines without my sister since she's been looking out for her. My mother might not be in poor health yet but I'd prefer for her to be in a place where there is better medical care when she needs it. I still blame my father's demise on the substandard medical service in our city. I just wouldn't want my mother to be another casualty.

A few weeks ago, I finally submitted the application to the USCIS. It took sometime to get everything together as it can be a slow and tedious process obtaining documents from the Philippines' government offices. It was a mad rush to submit the requirements since I wanted to take advantage of the lower fee. After July 31st, the application fee was raised from $190.00 to $355.00. That's quite a big difference, huh?

Anyway, I recently received the Notice of Action   that notified me of the receipt of the application. I spoke to my mother about it and she seemed pleased that things are going as planned. She sounded quite excited and informed me that she's starting to get her business in order, tying up loose ends and making sure that my little (not really so little anymore) sister will be taken cared of while she's away. It's going to be tough to be parted from each other but such sacrifice is necessary to achieve the ultimate goal of a family reunion that's been long overdue. I can't wait for that to happen soon!